(Chapters 3&4)
You are about to embark on the new adventure of parenthood in this life. Being a parent is one of the most beautiful blessings I have ever been given in this life. I remember the day you were born and made me a mom.
Since that day we have added six more kids to the group and I couldn't be more in love.
Now....When I say I am in love, although I am in love with all of you children, I am more madly in love with your father than I have ever been. Creating this family together has been a journey of hardship, trials, joys, happiness, tears, and a lot of hard work and commitment. Your father and I have come together as equal partners in running the Larson household both in the home and outside the home. HE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!
Although we have come together, we also understand our divine roles and continue to support one another in those roles. The Family, A Proclamation to the World, says, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nuture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help on another as equal partners".
Research shows that couples who have an equal partnership also have happier marriages because they have more positive interactions with one another. You have seen your father and I work together in creating this home. He has taken the time to help with changing diapers, folding laundry, making dinner, getting up in the night with crying babies. I have also taken the time to help him with the duties of yard work, household repairs, and supporting our family financially. As we complete these tasks, we have had many positive interactions with one another that have brought us closer together.
There is much to do when caring for a family, but I hope you learn throughout your life together that marriage is not only about responsibilities. It is also about helping one another succeed at reaching your dreams both as individuals and as a couple. I have loved watching Alex support you while going through school. You have both worked hard together to help you do good in your schooling. As life goes on more dreams will come about and it is important to offer the sweet encouragement necessary to make them happen.
So as your relationship is about to transition into the early stages of parenthood and I have offered insight on how important it is to make a marriage equal in partnership, I'd also like to offer advice on how to keep your marriage a priority. Your sweet babies will require a lot of your time and energy, but you cannot neglect your marriage in the process of caring for your children. Both you and Alex will need to continue to put in the effort in making sure you make time for another. Here are five fun ideas to make sure you continue to connect throughout all the transitions of family life.
1. DATE NIGHT: Your father and I have always made a weekly date night a priority. Even when we could not get a sitter, we would put you kids to bed, set up a picnic dinner in the living room and watch a movie or play a game. Get creative and make this time together amazing.
2. CARING DAYS: "Therapist Richard Stuart (1980) recommends couples engage in “Caring Days,” where couples identify sets of loving actions that they would like to receive from their partner. These actions must be specific (“Tell me you love me at least once a day”), positive (not “Don’t do this” or “Stop doing that”), small enough to be done on a daily basis (“Call me at work during lunch, just to see how I’m doing”), and not related to any recent conflict" (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2011).
3. PILLOW TALK: "Every couple, whether in the first or the twenty-first year of marriage, should discover the value of pillow-talk time at the end of the day—the perfect time to take inventory, to talk about tomorrow. And best of all, it’s a time when love and appreciation for one another can be reconfirmed" (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2011).
4. SHOW AFFECTION: When you welcome each other after a long day at work or a long day at home with the kids, happily greet each other with a hug and a kiss. Smile and look into each others eyes for a moment to offer strength and encouragement before tackling the rest of the day.
5. CONCENTRATE ON THE BEST: "President Gordon B. Hinckley (2003, p. 59) taught a similar principle. Faultfinding replaces praise. When we look for the worst in anyone, we will find it. But if we will concentrate on the best, that element will grow until it sparkles" (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2011).
As you have chosen to be with each other for eternity, I encourage you to take this quote to heart.....
"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by. Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way" (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2011).
I love you! Enjoy this journey together with Alex. Creating a family together is a wonderful opportunity to work together and come together is love. Remember to take care of each other through this journey and your life will be as wonderful as you hope it to be.
Love,
Mamma
Hawkins, A.J., Dollahite, D.C., & Draper, T.W. (2011). Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Utah: Brigham Young University.
