Enjoying the Journey of Motherhood (A note to myself and all mothers and future mothers out there)

Dear Me,
(Chapter 12)

When I was younger and people would ask me what I wanted to do when I grew up, I would always say "All I want is to be a mother, barefoot and pregnant!"  It has always been something that I wanted in life and I was so excited when I finally became a mother. It is something that I am very proud of and would never change for the world. However, it is also one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It is crazy to believe that such a rewarding job can also cause conflicts of feeling exhausted and frustrated and sometimes a little lost in knowing what to do.

 "Research on motherhood has consistently revealed that motherhood is full of “dialectical tensions." Mothers will feel profound joy and meaning in loving and caring for children and at the same time an immense burden of responsibility. Mothers naturally filled with great love for their children face the relentless tasks of identifying and responding to each child’s needs while fostering each child’s development.The amount of energy exerted in the process can tax the physical stamina of any mother, leading her to struggle emotionally as well as physically. Mothers may come to feel that the reality of their experience as mothers is dramatically different than their idealization of what motherhood would be like" (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2011).

Nobody gives you a rule book on how to be a perfect mother, but can I just say it is because a perfect mother doesn't exist.

Although society tries to degrade the job of motherhood, I know it is the most important job I will ever have. "A First Presidency statement in 1942 declared:

“Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels”. President Spencer W. Kimball said "Mothers have a sacred role. They are partners with God, as well as with their own husbands, first in giving birth to the Lord’s spirit children, and then in rearing those children so they will serve the Lord and keep his commandments"(Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2011).

It is because I understand the importance of this calling, that I also understand why it is so important to take care of myself as an individual.

"Mothers who are feeling exhausted and stressed are less likely to feel they are able to mother the way they think would be best. They must be nurtured in order to be able to nurture those to whom they are consecrated" (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2011).

To go along with this concept of self-care, I'd like to share a quick story out of the book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.

Suppose you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree.
"What are you doing?" you ask.
"Can't you see?" come the impatient reply. "I'm sawing down this tree."
"You look exhausted! you exclaim. "How long have you been at it?"
"Over five house," she returns, "and I'm beat! This is hard work."
Well, why don't you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen that saw?" you inquire. "I'm sure it would go a lot faster."
"I don't have time to sharpen the saw." that woman says emphatically.
"I'm too busy sawing!"

As moms how often are we too busy sawing down the tree that we don't stop to sharpen the ax? Habit 7 in this amazing book is to sharpen the saw.  "It is critical that mothers care for themselves and nurture their own minds, hearts, and bodies as they consecrate their minds, hearts, and bodies to mothering" (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2011). As mothers, especially, we give and give and give!!!!  It is extremely necessary for us to recognize the importance of taking time regularly for ourselves.

Covey teaches four areas of life that when given the time and investment, we can increase a feeling of balance and care in our lives.

PHYSICAL DIMENSION
This dimension involves caring for our physical body-eating the right kids of foods, getting sufficient rest and relaxation, and exercising on a regular basis (Covey, 2004).  Most people feel they do not have time to exercise but all it takes is 30 minutes a day of doing some type of activity that helps build endurance, flexibility, and strength. "The essence of renewing the physical dimension  is to exercise our bodies on a regular basis in a way that will preserve and enhance our capacity to work and adapt and enjoy" (Covey, 2004).  

MENTAL DIMENSION
Elder Ballard says this perfectly, "Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them." It is sad that most of our learning comes through formal education and as soon as we leave the external discipline of school, we let our minds atrophy (Covey, 2004).  Elder Hales encourages mother's to take the opportunity to continue to learn through motherhood, "Motherhood is the ideal opportunity for lifelong learning. A mother’s learning grows as she nurtures the child in his or her development years" (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2011).  

EMOTIONAL DIMENSION
Our emotional life is primarily developed out of and manifested in our relationships with others. Mothers especially need to find time to connect with others, especially other adults. My favorite connection happens to be with my husband on our weekly date nights. Often times we go with other couples which increases my circle of emotional support. This dimension can also be done in our everyday normal lives as we interact with those around us. 

SPIRITUAL DIMENSION
"A recent study of a large sample of Latter-day Saint parents found that a mother’s private religious behaviors—including fasting, personal prayer, scripture study, study of other religious materials, and thinking about religion—were a more significant influence on the quality of her parenting than the family’s religious behaviors. Mothers who spent more time in these activities were more likely to feel close to their children and to be effective in providing warmth, love, and support, while setting clear and appropriate boundaries and expectations" (Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2011).

Practicing self care can be very difficult when you are a mother. As mother's we play many roles in life.

However, it is so important to make yourself a priority.  REMEMBER.....

"Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children"
(Hawkins, Dollahite, & Draper, 2011).

As I have briefly touched on each area, I would encourage myself and all other moms out there to set a goal in each area and to make us a priority in our life so we can be the best version of ourselves for our families.

                                                                             Love,
                                                                             ME


Covey, S. R. (2004). The 7 habits of highly effective people: Restoring the character ethic ([Rev. ed.].). New York: Free Press

Hawkins, A.J., Dollahite, D.C., & Draper, T.W. (2011). Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Utah: Brigham Young University.