Week 7 Just say Yes!

Every year in St. George, they have an event called "The Parade of Homes". My husband loves to go and I hate it. It makes me really hate my house which is ridiculous because I love my house. I love all the dings in the walls, fingerprints found on the windows, footprints on my tile floor, etc. This house is filled with memories of raising our family, and I love that my house is lived in. However, walking through these new homes really makes me wish my house was as spotless as they are or newer. But let's be realistic no house with 5 kids and the rest of the neighborhood running around it in is going to look like a home in the parade of homes.

I tell you how much I hate this show because one year my husband asked me to go. I told him no to this question right in front of my dad. After my dad witnessed this conversation, he pulled me aside and gave me some advice. He told me that whenever my husband asks me to do something with him regardless of what it is, I should say yes. By doing this, I am showing him that his interests are important to me too, and this gives us an opportunity to connect in his way. Ever since that time, I always say yes! My dad was right. I know for a fact my husband does all kinds of things with me that he hates just as much as I hate the Parade of Homes, and he is does them without complaining. And really it isn't about what we are doing together, it just matters that we are spending time together.

Now that I have the attitude of togetherness and look at times like this as opportunities to turn towards my spouse, I always have fun with my him regardless of what we are going . "A tendency to turn towards your spouse is the basis of trust, emotional connection, passion, and as a satisfying sex life" (Gottman, 88) He is teaching me things he is interested in. He loves the Parade of Homes because of the architecture and it never dawns on him that our house isn't as clean or as awesome as these homes. Now as we go, I enjoy learning from him about architecture and listening to his ideas about our "dream" home together. Once I started to focus on the things he enjoys about it, my thoughts changed. It is still not my favorite thing to do, but I enjoy it because he enjoys it, and hanging out with him is my favorite thing to do.

So if there is something your spouse asks you to do, I will give you the same advice as my dad gave me. JUST SAY YES! Turn towards your spouse and find interests in their interests. "One virtue of turning toward each other is that it is so easy to accomplish. "Turning toward" operates under a law of positive feedback" (Gottman, 89). "When you each look for opportunities to support the other’s growth and enjoyment, both of you will be happier, and you will find ways to grow closer" (Beckert)

Beckert, Charles B. (2000, March). The Pitfalls of Parallel Marriages. Ensign. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/2000/03/the-pitfalls-of-parallel-marriage?lang=eng


Gottman, J.M, Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York. Harmony Books.