Week 6 Importance of Date Night

My husband and I are religious about our weekly date nights. Each week as the stressors of life work their way into my life, I can always look forward to the fact that I will get a break and be able to get away and have fun with my best friend. How lucky am I, that I have a husband who will date me. I say this because I have many friends and family who do not get this privilege each week. When I ask them why they don't date, they give me all sorts of reasons that include no money, too tired, not enough time, what's the point when you are already married, etc. Unfortunately, most of my friends are quite jealous when they find out my husband dates me, so I've told my husband he needs to teach the value of dating your wife to these men.:)

There are so many benefits to dating, but the most important benefit is how it continues to build your relationship with your spouse. When you are dating you are on your best behavior. You put so much effort into getting to know each other. You are interested in each other's hopes and dreams. Why stop wanting to learn these things about your spouse just because you got married. Marriage doesn't end the growth we experience in life, so neither should our desire to continue to learn and grow together. As we continue to build our relationship and learn about each other we connect on an emotional level. "Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other's world" (Gottman, 54). How else do you become emotionally intelligent if you don't take the time to be with each other? I believe it is crucial to every relationship to schedule regular date nights with each other to give your relationship a chance to grow in love and respect for each other.

So are you a dater of your spouse? Does the thought overwhelm you or make you tired? Do you stress about money? I consider myself an expert dater of my spouse :), so I'd like to share some ideas to help you figure out how to date your spouse.

1. Is money a problem? Well guess what, YES you can still date when you are broke. When we couldn't afford a babysitter, we did a kid swap. We traded our kids with another couple. They would take our kids when we went out on our dates, and vice versa. Pick a family you enjoy and trust with your kids, then arrange a time that would work for you each to take a day to have a date. Then get creative! Dates do not have to cost a lot of money. Remember, the point is to just be together.

2. Is the thought of coming up with ideas just too overwhelming? Are you too tired? Is it easier to just stay home? NO! NO! and NO! Building a nurturing relationship takes effort, but it is totally worth it! Now go google, DATE NIGHT IDEAS or sit down with your spouse and think of things the two of you like to do together. Write a list and start dating!

3. Are you the type of couple that just doesn't like to go out? That's ok! You can date at home. Make sure the house is empty of all kids and enjoy a nice night at home. You can cook together, play games, bake cookies, watch a movie, set up an at-home spa. The ideas are endless. Just take time to talk and be together, and get out of the everyday responsibilities of life.

As life goes on, changes will occur. Life is stressful and full of things that can destroy a marriage if it is not based on a strong physical, emotional, and spiritual connection. Take the time to date your spouse and allow this time to be your safe haven away from all the stress and focus on each other.

Gottman, J.M, Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York. Harmony Books.