As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we are taught that sexual intimacy between a man and a woman should be reserved for those who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. We are taught that sexual intimacy is sacred. We are taught as children of God the importance of obeying the law of chastity. We are also taught that once we are married, sex is to be enjoyed and is to help bring couples together in a more spiritual, intimate, physical way. "Sexuality is a beautiful power given to mankind from God" (Barlow).
Unfortunately, because many parents are embarrassed to talk about sex with their children, many people do not fully understand the beautiful opportunities it can create to bring couples closer together. Also, in an effort to help teach the law of chastity to their children, parents only focus on the negative consequences of impurity. "Some people still believe that sexual intimacy is a necessary evil by which we have children" (Barlow). Because of these feelings and false ideas, many couples experience a lot of heartache when it comes to sexual intimacy and lack the know how of how to fix this problem. I believe there are three things that can fix any couples problem when it comes to sexual intimacy.
1. 100% pure honest open communication: Couples cannot be scared to talk about sex with one another. Most couples believe that sexual intimacy should just come naturally and there is no need for communication. However, just like any other matter in a marital relationship, sexual intimacy needs to be discussed. "To be able to know each other physically, couples need to talk together about the physical dimensions of their relationship" (Barlow).
2. Make time for each other: In the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Goddard talks about the magic of six hours. As he studied many couples, he found that those marriages that continued to improve had one thing in common, the magic of spending an extra six hours a week with each other. Many couples believe that there is no way to spend an extra six hours together each week, but small amounts of time add up. Couples "need to a have time together to share ideas, to grow and learn together, and to experience joy together" (Barlow). Look at how much time you spend together parting ways each day, showing affection, reuniting at the end of a long day at work, planning date nights, etc. All these moments add to more time of building love and admiration for each other which has the potential of spilling over into the sexual intimacy part of a relationship.
3. Schedule time for sexual intimacy: I know, I know! Many people believe that scheduling a "sex" night takes away from it, but I promise it does not. Life can continue to get in the way! Work, children, chores and tasks around the house will continue to make us tired and can get in the way of couples having time for sexual intimacy. However, if a couple takes the time to schedule sexual intimacy into their relationship, this will give them time to prepare and get excited for the time they get to spend together. Maybe sneak in a nap to make sure you are not tired, plan a sexy activity to do together to help get in the right mind set, include some back and forth foreplay through text messages. So much can be done when the time is scheduled and planned out for a couple to be together that can enhance the experience for both the husband and wife.
The bottom line is healthy sexual intimacy is crucial to having a happy healthy marriage and just like anything else in a marriage it takes work!
"Sex should be a celebration. It comes from God. He created our sexual appetites and natures. He has ordained us to make love both physically and spiritually. He is pleased when He sees us bonded together sexually, in love, for this is the plan of creation. And this plan permits the husband and wife to jointly participate in creating new life and, in a sense, perpetuate part of themselves into eternity through their children. The sexual embrace should never be a chore or a duty, but a loving part of a larger relationship. Of giving to our partner, cherishing, respecting, protecting each other. It won't always be easy. But the rewards can be incredibly great if we choose to make them so.” (How to Make a Good Marriage Great, 1987, p. 39)
Barlow, B. A. "They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on intimacy in marriage." Ensign, Sept 1986, 49.
Gottman, J.M. 1999. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Harmony Books.
Cline, V.1987. How to Make a Good Marriage Great. Bookcraft
No comments:
Post a Comment