Week 10 Looking past the Dirty Socks

Having a messy house causes me stress and anxiety and is very difficult for me to handle. My husband on the other hand is not bothered by the mess. He tends to leave things out and is comfortable with taking his socks off right before bed and throwing them on the floor. He used to do this every night before we would go to bed. I would wake up every morning ready to make the bed and his socks were always there for me. Boy did those socks make me mad every morning! Until one morning they weren't there. He had been deployed to Iraq and left the night before for 18 months. I remember that first morning when I woke up sad and scared, and then I walked around to his side of the bed and his socks weren't there! I cried, and cried, and cried. I wanted his socks there more than anything at that moment. I later shared this story with him, and he laughed because he didn't even realize his socks upset me like that. I promised him that things like that wouldn't bother me ever again!

Of course time has gone on and I still get upset about things, but one things those missing socks meant was his absence in my home and in my daily living. It was at that moment that I will never forget my heart changed. I looked past his dirty socks being on my floor and realized that his presence was more important.

Being married can be difficult, however there are many things we can do to help choose our level of difficulty. In the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, PH. D., he "guides couples on a path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship". He teaches couples how to focus on each other. He teaches that creating moments to build fondness and admiration for each other lead to a successful marriage. Where as looking for each other's dirty socks will cause feelings of contention and separation. He also teaches that conflict within a marriage is very normal, but how it is handled will make a big difference in creating a happy marriage.

As I read this book, the image of those dirty socks on the floor make me laugh. What a silly petty thing to be upset about and what is even funnier is the fact that I never brought them to my husband's attention. I just decided to be mad every morning. That moment they weren't there, taught me a lot about how much I love everything about my husband, the good, the bad, and the ugly!

This memory is what gets me through the hard times. This memory helps me understand that I can choose the level of difficulty in my marriage. I can choose to look for things to bother me and allow them to fester or I can look for the good things. I can communicate with my husband. I can build my relationship and allow our love to grow.

I am so grateful for the lesson those dirty socks taught me and have continued to teach me during my 20 years of being married. I loved Gottman's book and the seven principles it taught. I believe if these seven principles are used in a marriage, any love can be successful.