Week 7 Just say Yes!

Every year in St. George, they have an event called "The Parade of Homes". My husband loves to go and I hate it. It makes me really hate my house which is ridiculous because I love my house. I love all the dings in the walls, fingerprints found on the windows, footprints on my tile floor, etc. This house is filled with memories of raising our family, and I love that my house is lived in. However, walking through these new homes really makes me wish my house was as spotless as they are or newer. But let's be realistic no house with 5 kids and the rest of the neighborhood running around it in is going to look like a home in the parade of homes.

I tell you how much I hate this show because one year my husband asked me to go. I told him no to this question right in front of my dad. After my dad witnessed this conversation, he pulled me aside and gave me some advice. He told me that whenever my husband asks me to do something with him regardless of what it is, I should say yes. By doing this, I am showing him that his interests are important to me too, and this gives us an opportunity to connect in his way. Ever since that time, I always say yes! My dad was right. I know for a fact my husband does all kinds of things with me that he hates just as much as I hate the Parade of Homes, and he is does them without complaining. And really it isn't about what we are doing together, it just matters that we are spending time together.

Now that I have the attitude of togetherness and look at times like this as opportunities to turn towards my spouse, I always have fun with my him regardless of what we are going . "A tendency to turn towards your spouse is the basis of trust, emotional connection, passion, and as a satisfying sex life" (Gottman, 88) He is teaching me things he is interested in. He loves the Parade of Homes because of the architecture and it never dawns on him that our house isn't as clean or as awesome as these homes. Now as we go, I enjoy learning from him about architecture and listening to his ideas about our "dream" home together. Once I started to focus on the things he enjoys about it, my thoughts changed. It is still not my favorite thing to do, but I enjoy it because he enjoys it, and hanging out with him is my favorite thing to do.

So if there is something your spouse asks you to do, I will give you the same advice as my dad gave me. JUST SAY YES! Turn towards your spouse and find interests in their interests. "One virtue of turning toward each other is that it is so easy to accomplish. "Turning toward" operates under a law of positive feedback" (Gottman, 89). "When you each look for opportunities to support the other’s growth and enjoyment, both of you will be happier, and you will find ways to grow closer" (Beckert)

Beckert, Charles B. (2000, March). The Pitfalls of Parallel Marriages. Ensign. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/2000/03/the-pitfalls-of-parallel-marriage?lang=eng


Gottman, J.M, Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York. Harmony Books.

Week 6 Importance of Date Night

My husband and I are religious about our weekly date nights. Each week as the stressors of life work their way into my life, I can always look forward to the fact that I will get a break and be able to get away and have fun with my best friend. How lucky am I, that I have a husband who will date me. I say this because I have many friends and family who do not get this privilege each week. When I ask them why they don't date, they give me all sorts of reasons that include no money, too tired, not enough time, what's the point when you are already married, etc. Unfortunately, most of my friends are quite jealous when they find out my husband dates me, so I've told my husband he needs to teach the value of dating your wife to these men.:)

There are so many benefits to dating, but the most important benefit is how it continues to build your relationship with your spouse. When you are dating you are on your best behavior. You put so much effort into getting to know each other. You are interested in each other's hopes and dreams. Why stop wanting to learn these things about your spouse just because you got married. Marriage doesn't end the growth we experience in life, so neither should our desire to continue to learn and grow together. As we continue to build our relationship and learn about each other we connect on an emotional level. "Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other's world" (Gottman, 54). How else do you become emotionally intelligent if you don't take the time to be with each other? I believe it is crucial to every relationship to schedule regular date nights with each other to give your relationship a chance to grow in love and respect for each other.

So are you a dater of your spouse? Does the thought overwhelm you or make you tired? Do you stress about money? I consider myself an expert dater of my spouse :), so I'd like to share some ideas to help you figure out how to date your spouse.

1. Is money a problem? Well guess what, YES you can still date when you are broke. When we couldn't afford a babysitter, we did a kid swap. We traded our kids with another couple. They would take our kids when we went out on our dates, and vice versa. Pick a family you enjoy and trust with your kids, then arrange a time that would work for you each to take a day to have a date. Then get creative! Dates do not have to cost a lot of money. Remember, the point is to just be together.

2. Is the thought of coming up with ideas just too overwhelming? Are you too tired? Is it easier to just stay home? NO! NO! and NO! Building a nurturing relationship takes effort, but it is totally worth it! Now go google, DATE NIGHT IDEAS or sit down with your spouse and think of things the two of you like to do together. Write a list and start dating!

3. Are you the type of couple that just doesn't like to go out? That's ok! You can date at home. Make sure the house is empty of all kids and enjoy a nice night at home. You can cook together, play games, bake cookies, watch a movie, set up an at-home spa. The ideas are endless. Just take time to talk and be together, and get out of the everyday responsibilities of life.

As life goes on, changes will occur. Life is stressful and full of things that can destroy a marriage if it is not based on a strong physical, emotional, and spiritual connection. Take the time to date your spouse and allow this time to be your safe haven away from all the stress and focus on each other.

Gottman, J.M, Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York. Harmony Books.

Week 5 Taking the time to build a friendship

In the book, "The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work", Gottman states that there is one simple truth to a happy marriage, the fact that it based on a deep friendship. He goes on to say, "By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other's company. These couples tend to know each other intimately--they are well versed in each other's likes, and dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but through small gestures day in and day out." I love this simple truth, but I do ask myself how can married couples make sure this friendship lasts and how do they make it the number one priority when life is full of so many demands.

As a mother of seven children, owner of my own business, student, and Relief Society President of my ward, you can only imagine how many directions I am pulled in each day to complete all the tasks associated with each role. Although, I have many names in life (mom, teacher, sister, student), my number one important role/name in life is wife. I have found evidence in my own life that helps me understand when my bond with my husband is deep and connected, each of the different roles I play in life run a lot smoother. I find much value is taking time away from my children each week to connect with my husband on our weekly date nights. I find value in making sure all my work is completed throughout my day, so when he comes home, we can have opportunities to do to fun things as a family and with each other. I find value in planning my Relief Society duties around our family schedule instead of vice versa. It would be very easy for me to fall into a trap of saying I am too busy or tired to connect, but I find no value in that.

Recently with school starting and finding that my responsibilities in other parts of my life are increasing, my husband and I sat down and talked about a time each day we can be with each other. Both of us have had tight schedules and even though we still make date night a priority each week, we were missing out on connecting daily with each other. We committed to waking up each morning at 5 AM and exercising together. At first, I was not too thrilled with this choice, but I knew I needed more time alone with him to deepen our friendship.

What a wonderful blessing this simple change has made in our relationship. This time together has brought about many conversations that have really impacted our relationship lately. I am so grateful I have made this change within our marriage. Other simple changes have included sitting my each other at church by not allowing our babies to separate us. We also make sure we go to bed at the same time together to have a few minutes at the end of the day to continue to talk and laugh about our day. This connection has made us more in tune to each other’s needs as we carry on with our other roles in life. It has deepened our romance and connection in ways I didn't even know we needed in our marriage. Friendship is a necessity within a marriage to create an eternal bond. Gottman states, "Friendship fuels the flames of romance". I couldn't say it better myself.

Gottman, J.M, Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York. Harmony Books.

Week 4 I love being married

In his talk "Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan", Elder Bednar states "As men and women, as husbands and wives, and as Church leaders, one of our paramount responsibilities is to help young men and women learn about and prepare for righteous marriage through our personal example." Oh how I love this quote and 100% totally agree. One of my most favorite things about being married is being an example to my children. My husband and I have been married for 21 years. We have grown together, laughed together, cried together, and raised our wonderful family together. When I think of this experience, I hope and pray that each one of my children are able to have the same happiness that we have had in our eternal marriage. "The sweetest companionships of eternal marriage is one of the greatest blessings God has granted to his children". (Wirthlin)

My husband and I have both been faithful in our covenant marriage we entered into when we were just babies. At such a young age, we took on the responsibilities and covenants of being married in the temple. We made a promise to love each other for eternity not until things got hard. As we have gone through our trials we have turned towards each other instead of away from each other. I believe that through our commitment we have made to make each other our highest priority, we have shown our children what being married forever looks like. They have learned what true love is and therefore have been able to demonstrate this same behavior within our family and other friendships they have formed.

Elder Bednar goes on to say, "As young people notice that we have made the comfort and convenience of our eternal companion our highest priority, then they will become less self-centered and more able to give, to serve, and to create an equal and enduring companionship." As my sons have approached the age of dating, I see their father in them. I see them opening doors for their dates. I see them being respectful and kind with their words. I see them treat their sisters with love and kindness. It is the example of their father who has led them to make these righteous choices. Even as their friends have teased them for being "old-fashion", they have stayed true to what they have been taught by their father regarding respect for women.

I have also taken the time to teach my girls to be righteous virtuous women. My daughter was able to enter into the temple with her sweet husband in July. It was wonderful to watch her enter into this new and everlasting covenant with this righteous priesthood holder. They have both demonstrated being married in a covenant marriage as they have had to navigate their way through these last few months in married life. It has been fun to see them adjust to being companions and truly turning to each other to create their own family unit.

These conversations and experiences with our children are priceless. Our children need to be taught how to stay true to the commandment of being married in a covenant marriage. We must be this example to our children because Satan is relentless and set on destroying marriage. "The adversary’s attacks upon eternal marriage will continue to increase in intensity, frequency, and sophistication." (Bednar)

In order to enter back into the presence of our Heavenly Father and reach the highest degree of glory, one must enter into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage. As we take the time to model this example of being married in a covenant marriage, our children will understand the significance of these blessings and will have this same desire to return back to our Father in Heaven with their eternal companions.


Bednar, David. June 2006. Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan. https://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/06/marriage-is-essential-to-his-eternal-plan?lang=eng


Wirthlin, Joseph F. October 1997. Valued Companions. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1997/10/valued-companions?lang=eng